Why Dolphins Don't Read 'Spy'

"The Onion" on dolphin intelligence and why "Spy" magazine never caught on among cetaceans:

GALVESTON, TX—A study conducted by marine biologists at Texas A&M University has found that bottlenose dolphins, long thought to be among the most intelligent members of the animal kingdom, are "utterly incapable" of pointing out the flaws of celebrities and knocking them down a peg or two.